Divorce.

On July 28, 2010, I realized that what I needed was a divorce. I was tired of the abuse. Tired of the love/hate relationship. I was tired of thinking things would get better on their own. Yes, it was time. I officially divorced food. Yes, food.

I'm not saying that from that point on, never would a piece of this or an ounce of that pass into my mouth, I'm just saying it was time to take control of what was going in my mouth. Enough of the crap food. It was time to get back the body I had pre-kids.

I started my journey by joining a popular points-based dieting website and using the gym membership I had already been paying for months. My mission? 50 pounds......outta here! I was strict with my eating and walked 4 miles 5 days a week. Within 3 months, I had lost close to 20 pounds. Not the "quick results" I had longed for, but in reality, I know that it takes time to truly melt that fat off and keep it off. I'm not looking for a quick fix. I want to be around for my kids for a long time. Heck, I'd love to see them get married (you know, when they're 50 or so) and have their own babies.

So as of today, this is where I am. I have lost 18.5 pounds and over 10 inches. Inches are really something I strongly encourage you to take every 4 weeks. I'm amazed at how much my body changes.

Now, I have started this blog. Why now? Well, because I need to be accountable. I, admittedly, have fallen off the proverbial wagon and am being dragged by one leg on a very bumpy road. It all started when I had some killer, knife-stabbing headaches about a month ago. I truly thought it was a brain aneursym. But, that was the point that I started slowly falling off the wagon. So, here I am, trying to pull myself back up on it.

I have come to the realization that, sadly, one of the things that sabotages me is self-confidence. I do my best workouts and healthiest eating when I feel like a big pile of unattractive blubber. (Well, is there really attractive blubber? Some people no doubt think so, but not me, especially on my body.) I realized this last week at the gym as I was spending all sorts of time with myself, just walking laps. That's what's wrong with me! Damn self confidence! I start to feel confident and that I'm looking a bit better, and BOOM! I can cheat today. Which turns into tomorrow. And the next day. You get my drift. I guess feeling bad about myself is a form of discipline instead of self-pity. Who knew.

I'm sure this journey will be filled with many more revelations. Here's to hoping to unravel them one by one so that I can get my body back and my head on straight.